“I’ve got the Babysitting Blues”
Film: Adventure’s in Babysitting
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“Great, you wasted all my Clearasil on another picture of Thor?”
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“Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues.”
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Sara’s bedroom contains a My Pet Monster, what could be more 80s?
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That 17 year old teenage runaway that Daryl chats up? That’s actually 27 year old Monica Devereux, Chris Columbus’s real life wife. They’d been married 5 years at this point.
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Michelle Pfeiffer, Sharon Stone and Jodie Foster, Brooke Shields, Andie McDowell and Kathleen Turner were considered for the role of Chris.
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How does Brenda manage to get from Chris’s house to the downtown bus station, in the time it takes for Chris to get ready for babysitting? Remember that Chris was all ready to go on her date so we know it’s early evening. Then when she drives into the city, it’s dark. The time line is definitely out for this part of the plot.
Why does Joe Gibb not just let the kids out? How could have put them all in grave danger, almost certainly shot and killed (if not himself) for exposing the criminal lair location and dealings. Yeah it’s a dangerous neighbourhood but even they’ve got subways?
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Could there be a more 80s moment then starting your evening getting ready, singing into a hairbrush? The wonderful Elizabeth Shue, who plays Chris Parker, is getting ready for her perfect date with her perfect boyfriend Mike. She’s so wholesome and romantic, full of hope for her evening and her future.
When the doorbell rings, it’s some middle-aged man in old sneakers. Oh sorry, no, that’s our 17-year-old’s high school boyfriend Mike. Wow. Bradley Whitford who plays Mike is just one of those people who looks older than his years, but in his defence he also looks better with age (George Clooney, anyone?). Now you’ll see him in loads of films, quite a few horrors like Get Out and Cabin in the Woods.
Mike tells Chris that he can’t make their date because his little sister is contagiously sick and he has to look after her. The fact that he had the audacity to drive over to Chris’s and tell her this to her face says a lot about the type of guy he is. We later also find out that he beat up Daryl once, but well, Daryl is asking for a punch in the face for most of the film so we’re letting that one slide. Disappointed, Chris commiserates with her friend Brenda who instantly calls it for what it is, a big fat lie. This feels like Brenda really has her act together and is so insightful for a teenager. At that age my friends and I were so completely clueless we could never have recognised narcistic traits, let alone call them out. So it’s a bit of a disappointment when Brenda, within a space of what seems to be about 10 minutes after leaving then loses her shit completely and runs away from home.
“I'm too old to babysit.”
It’s a very typical teenage conversation though with Chris obsessing over the best-looking guy in school and Brenda complaining about her home life and neither really listening to each other. This scene is in fact the diving board for the entire premise of the film, but it’s underplayed. If Chris had been a little more ‘all-consumed’ with her disappointment that she failed to see Brenda was imminently falling off her rocker, the later plot unfold wouldn’t have been such a head scratcher.
Brenda in her glasses, half pony tail hair and big earrings is calling out for a teen-makeover, I feel like the makers of ‘She’s All That’ were inspired by this as it would only take a change of hairstyle and some contacts to totally change her look.
So Chris’s fate is to babysit Sara Anderson. At 17 she thinks she’s too old to babysit. It’s a weird culture that British people just don’t get, but American kids seem to be all babysitting as young as 11 or 12, (if we’re to believe the Babysitting Club books). In the UK you’d be looking at 16 minimum, ideally 17 so you can drive yourself, and you’d have to be considered extremely responsible.
We’re introduced to the Andersons and there’s so much 80s nostalgia going on in this scene I want to pause it and step inside the TV. Firstly, Sara’s skates. Roller skates in the late 80s was a obligatory purchase, along with clickers for your bike wheels and shoes with princess keys inside the heels. In the 80s they’d strap right over the shoes you’re already wearing, why they don’t make them like this anymore I can’t understand. I spend much of my youth on roller skates, until the fateful day I tied a skipping rope to my friends bike and held on as she went down a steep hill. I hadn’t considered a little thing called gravity and let go, crashing head first into a house whilst she looked on. My tooth went through my lip and I knocked myself out. Cool story, I know. Secondly, did anyone spot the My Pet Monster on Sara’s shelf?
Sara’s busy colouring in a picture of her hero Thor, but she’s used Brad’s Clearasil because she ran out of yellow. This is some of the best dialogue in the whole film with Sara offering up some orange crayon for brad to cover up his zits, and ultimately Brad retaliating by calling Thor a homo (a time where this was considered the ultimate insult). Unfortunately most of the best dialogue is in this introduction scene and goes steadily down hill as the film unfolds, but let’s enjoy it whilst we can with lines like “Thanks, it’s my Granddad’s” “He’s got great taste.” “He’s dead”.
We are also treated to a wonderful 80s scenario with Sara eating Cap’n Crunch, Brad eating Nestle Crunch bars. I miss Crunch bars. Mrs Anderson in her slinky gold dress and dad in a tux with white scarf, dressed up to go to work party is reminiscent of a time where adults cared much less about their children and much more about their own social events. I love a little excited Sara delightfully declaring “It’s been almost two weeks!” when referring to her cough, great piece of unnecessary dialogue that only an 80s film can deliver.
“Who is this kid? Stray dog.”
Daryl is knocking at the back door and we see the first of Chris’s questionable babysitting skills, not noticing that an actual creepy person is hanging around the patio. The stress of two kids and a TV is already too much for her. Daryl is supposed to be the comic foil for the entire film, the goofball to add some humour to the dark situations, but that role is actually carried out by Sara who delivers all her sarcastic comments with the wit of a 40 year old man (hmm, who’s writing this script). Basically Thor’s her hero and she’s mine.
In the midst of this already stressful situation Brenda calls, she’s decided to have a punt at The Worst Friend in the World award. Bloody Brenda. Brenda’s in a phone box freaking out and it’s quite incredible how idiotic she’s been, she’s run away from home and spent all her money on a cab to the bus station. ALL OF IT. When Brenda first says she’s in trouble Chris asks her if she’s finally spiked her stepmother’s Tab with Drano. Tab if you remember was a clear coke that they released in the 80s, and it was extremely exciting at the time, but a complete let down when you tasted it. Now Drano is most definitely not a drink. There was an obsession with using drain cleaner in drinks as the perfect homicide method during the late 80s. It was used in Heathers by Christian Slater’s character, perhaps inspired by the infamous Hi-Fi murders and possibly the Kool-Aid People’s Temple mass suicide. Basically, this was in the national psyche at the time, the kind of joke that doesn’t age well.
Anyway, we digress. Brenda’s on the phone and her major concerns are:
1. Three people shooting up heroin
2. A man with a gun
3. A bald Chinese lady with no pants on
One of these things is not like the other. Brenda is only 17 so these things would seem disturbing, but then so is Chris and she’s asking a lot of her friend to drive her mum’s car into the city of Chicago and pick her up. After some tough negotiations with three hardball blackmailers, they decided to all go. If I were the Andersons I think I would have preferred her to take the kids too instead of leaving them alone in the house, I mean, what could possibly go wrong with a little hour or so’s drive? Turns out… quite a lot.
Chris continues to prove that just a tiny bit of stress can cause her to fail at the most basic tasks, and she forgets to bring her purse/handbag when they all get into the car. I once went on a camping trip and discovered I’d only packed a bottle of vodka and one stiletto, so I can comprehend how this can happen.
“Spaghetti-O's with meat”
We’re now in the car going into the city and Chris is telling a horrific ghost story to 8-year-old Sara, as you do. Daryl shows Brad the Playboy and it’s the first mention of the uncanny resemblance to Chris. This, remember, was a time where porn was not freely available on the internet and Playboy was essential viewing for teenagers. Does it really look like Chris though? We’ll explore more later as the tyre’s about to explode. The spare tyre, no less. Pruitt’s on the scene in a matter of minutes, terrifying them all with his hook hand, but kindly offers to tow them to the garage for free. Of course, it's never that simple and Pruitt wants to take the kids the scenic route via his house, so he can shoot the very angry half naked moustached man his wife is shagging. In the turmoil a bullet goes through the windscreen, and the stakes have suddenly been raised.
Let’s look at how the various troubles these kids face in order, and rate them according to how life threatening they seem, with 10 being the worst.
1. Flat tyre. 1 out of 10. Kind of exciting really.
2. Watching Pruitt attempt murder. 8 out of 10. Panic stations.
3. Seeking refuge in a car that is in the process of being stolen. 5 out of 10. He seems friendly.
4. Being taken by friendly man to a secret lair of car thieves. 9 out of 10. Death feels imminent.
5. Escaping via the rafters. 6 out of 10. Wouldn’t recommend.
6. Singing on the Blue’s Club Stage. 2 out of 10. Thoroughly enjoyable under different circumstances.
7. New York Subway gang fight. 9 out of 10. Unless you’re in a Michael Jackson video, this is not a place you want to be.
8. Inner city hospital. 6 out of 10. Good chance of death, but also good place to be if the worst should happen.
9. Finding Mike on a date with Sesame Plexor. In reality, 0 out of 10. But to Chris, 9 out of 10. Devastating.
10. Finding Sara OUTSIDE the window of the parent’s party, 10 out of 10. Could not get any worse. Having a heart-attack just writing this.
“Oh, It's a kitten!”
Things heat up for Brenda too who loses her glasses, is extremely hungry and is now petting a jumbo-sized sewer rat. Later she’s chased by the glasses-stealing bag lady (that is her official character name) and is being tormented by the man with a gun, but it still doesn’t compare to the night Chris is having.
So from the Pruitt shoot up to the car, to the criminal lair where they’ve been locked in a room upstairs until they decide what to do with these suburban kids. Things are not looking good. But light-fingered Daryl thinks that the bigger issue here is not the immediate likelihood of being killed, perhaps being tied to a breeze block dropped into the Chicago river. No, he’s spotted a chance to replace his dad’s playboy magazine. In the words of Ron Weasley, he needs to sort out his priorities.
“Are you shitting me?”
Daryl is also not a fan of the escape route plan, presumably thinking he’d rather face his chances with the criminals, but to be honest no one is thinking straight at this point. Out of the window they go, and straight into the side door of a blues club. This was apparently Elizabeth Shue’s favourite scene to shoot, just taking a moment to enjoy being the star of the show, quite rightly. What I love is that when the gang finally catches up to them and also land on the stage, they are also told they can’t leave without singing the blues, and seeing as the kids lose them for quite some time, we can only presume that they did in fact, sing the blues? That’s something I’d love to have seen.
Things continue to unravel as they find themselves in between two gangs on the subway about to kill each other. After another show of bravery/stupidity, Brad has a knife in his foot and probably Hepatitis to boot, but as luck would have it the next stop is the university hospital.
“I am sorry. Your friend is dead.”
A stand out piece of comedy acting in the film is from Sam Moses who plays Dr. Nuhkbane, the most overworked doctor anyone’s ever seen. His career has been a treasure trove of tiny comedy gold moments through films like Short Circuit and Ghostbusters. He treats Brad’s foot with one lousy stitch. I once put a garden fork through my toe and only had one stitch to show for it, but I assure you the blood loss was dramatic.
They manage to skip out of hospital without paying or giving their details, and are on their way to Dawson’s garage. The car’s fixed, the windscreen too, incredible work by Dawson on a Saturday night replacing a whole new car windscreen. But as kids do, Sara’s ‘got to make’. Cue meeting new love interest Dan. For an 80s heartthrob, he ticks the boxes. He’s preppy, cute eyes and he keeps saving their skin. He even lends Chris $45, this guy is keeeeeeen. She is much better suited to Dan than Mike, but he’s at university and she’s still in high school so that’s a little ick. To escape from the latest Daryl mess they all jump into Dan’s jeep and it’s off to Dawsons.
By this point Chris has been exposed to a number of criminals, free-walked high beams, sang the blues on stage, faced-off with a street gang, and fainted. So when Dan suggests he waits for her outside to make sure Dawson gets her car back to her, it feels that perhaps she should throw caution to the wind and just say yes. Just an idea. But apparently this is the point at which she decides to brave it alone, obviously so the chaos can still ensue without Dan’s help, but surely this is the time to ask for back up.
“O Thor, mighty God of thunder.”
Vincent D'Onofrio as Dawson/Thor is another cameo that made me do a double take. He’s not a particularly famous actor, but he is in Mystic Pizza and plays Bill, JoJo’s fiancé, one of my favourite films and favourite characters. Barely recognisable as Dawson! Dawson is not the kind hero they were hoping for, and refuses them the car. Luckily, Sara saves the day by giving Dawson her Thor hammer and helmet, an act that ‘thaws’ (thank you) his heart and let’s them off $5.
Finally, something’s going right for them. They’ve got the car, it’s 11:41 and Chris says they can still pick up Brenda and then get home before the Andersons (still, seems unlikely. Thank god the Andersons are party animals). This is where Daryl, the little sarcastic shit, notices Mike’s car outside the restaurant.
Something that needs addressing is that Chris meets heart-throb Dan half way through the film, this is before she finds Mike having dinner with Sesame Plexor, so I feel like she’s a little hypocritical. This does not excuse Mike’s behaviour at all, his deception started earlier that day. But Chris is definitely not innocent in her flirting with Dan, she slow dances with him, considers kissing him, she even sort of asks for his number.
Sara’s taken this opportunity to eat a chocolate éclair or two and stare at the toy shop window, and I don’t blame her one little bit. Sara knows how to get her kicks and she is only eight after all. It’s just a shame that the mobsters are still after them as this is how she ends up outside the window of a skyscraper.
“Do you happen to know the name of the caterer?”
Here’s a thing. When the Anderson’s are talking to Bleak about canapes at the party, he turns and sees Sara crawling outside the glass windows. If someone was staring into space, surely a normal human would also look over at what they’re staring at? And let’s just for one second believe that they wouldn’t look out of the window, how does a whole party just happen to have their backs turned to the window for let’s say, a good five minutes?
Remarkably, Sara gets away with not being seen, and after some nail-biting moments she’s dragged up the side of the glass into her brother’s arms where she exclaims, in a squirmy moment, “oh brad!” Weird. Deputy-chief crook Graydon is still stuck outside, Joe Gibb’s now in control and he’s going to let him ‘cool off’. We don’t think Joe’s thought this through, he’ll be getting some cement shoes soon me thinks.
Throughout the film the Playboy reference has been persisting, so we did a little research into it. Does it look like Chris? Let’s take a look…
Well of course it does because it is in fact Elizabeth Shue. She did the photoshoot, but was very insistent that people know she did not do it naked, her head was super-imposed onto a model’s body. It’s no wonder half the cast are getting into a flap about it. I love Elizabeth Shue, she’s one of my favourite 80s stars. I particularly love her eyebrows and may or may not have plucked out the arches on my own eyebrows so they could look more like hers... Ahem.
“Oh my God, look at that lunatic!”
With Sara safe, no more criminals chasing them and a fixed car, they can finally pick up Brenda who is a gibbering wreck by this point. She’s conveniently stood outside on the road now looking at her watch, and exclaims ‘What took you so long?! You would not believe what I’ve been through tonight!’ Really Brenda. Try us.
It’s got to be 1am at this point, geez those parents are out late. AND Mrs Anderson said that Bleak falling over was the most exciting thing to have happened all night, so how they didn’t leave the party earlier is a mystery. Driving home they actually see the Andersons, and Chris enquires how fast they drive - 45mph. They’ll go 80mph.
Question:
It’s 1am. Two cars drive 10 miles to the same destination. One goes 45 mph. The second goes 80mph. What time will they both arrive?
Answer:
time = distance / speed
10 / 45 = 0.22 or 1:13min 20sec AM
10 / 80 = 0.125 or 1:07min 30sec AM
So they have 5 mins 50 seconds to get in, clean the house and sit casually on the sofa. It’s doable, but my god i’d be out of breath.
The drive home followed by house clean really lifts the spirits again, I love a good clean up scene. I wonder what the Andersons will think when they find that random box of Cap’n Crunch shoved in a cupboard sideways?
It’s a wonderful moment though when Chris sits with a face of innocence and says that not much happened, and miraculously get’s away with it all. It warms my heart that she goes up to tell them it’s all cool, solidifying their gang through a huge shared experience. This is the kind of thing that bonds them for life. In a way it’s almost a shame that they have to bring Dan back on the scene, apparently we always need a love interest to complete a story.
Adventures in Babysitting, despite it’s uninspiring dialogue and many phony moments has a great pace and that’s what keeps this film together. The script had been around for years apparently, a version had been knocking around in the 60s with Jane Fonda pegged as Chris’s character. As 80s films go, this was a cracker just for the nostalgia alone.
I share Sara’s sentiment, can we do this again next Friday?
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